Sir

As a long-standing reader of the Blissford Voice, I am writing to deplore the deterioration of standards of both spelling and grammar in recent issues. Surely educated people even from the farthest colonies know that a singular phenomenon is just that: a phenomenon (sic). And that “sporan” is spelt thus: “sporran”, except of course in the original Gaelic, which is not spoken this far south, except perhaps by certain fishy persons inhabiting the higher altitude parts of the village.

I sincerely hope that “The Voice” is not going to sink to the standards so long maintained solely by the Grauniad. Please ensure that future issues are adequately proof-read by persons of sufficient erudition, not under the influence of more alcohol than is necessary to enable to compose the text (even if that is a substantial quantity).

Yours pedantically,

Rear-Admiral Jason Argonaut, RN (retired)