From Your Foreign Correspondent

As almost the entire community sits entranced by the silver words of Maggot Our Very Own MP, in live Q&A at the Hall (you did go, didn’t you?) YFC, being left alone, takes a quiet moment to consider a problem of great and immediate significance.

I mentioned last time the appearance of organ pipes in the Head Gardener’s herbaceous border. Here’s what happened.

On a sunny day two weeks ago, assisted only by seven hulky men in jeans and no shirts (picture censored), the Head Gardener set forth on a little light pruning in the back garden. Viz, a clump of 25-foot high oak trees that had grown where not required.

While YFC took a well-earned siesta, the head tree-feller, un type vraiment artistique sans doubte, persuaded the gullible HG they should not cut the stumps to ground level, but leave them as you see here (picture attached) – the tall one is about 8 foot high. And so they cut; and so they left. Organ pipes.

Which provokes the question: what to do with them now? Hmm…

1. Turn a semblance of organ pipes into real ones. Problem: much carving required. How to tune? Can Buxtehude be played using only five notes? Where would the puff come from?
2. Sculpture. Struck by the similarity of these remains to certain sculptures on the autoroute A4 betwixt (as the estate agents say) Reims and Verdun, smooth and paint them in jolly colours. Problem: would we also have to have cubes, pyramids, and lots of balls?
3. The Richard Rogers approach. In a sort of ‘Imitation du Centre Pompidou’, use them to conceal the house’s air conditioning ducts. Problem: we have no air conditioning to duct.
4. Neighbour Larry has (it seems) long harboured a desire to carve a totem pole. Maybe representations of That Nice John Major, Little Willie, and Mr Thing would look well. Problem: that leaves the short fat stump. Who?

Suggestions welcome, the more absurd the better.

YFC.