Blissford Voice Today » One BIG Summer 2000

Postbox Restored!

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:20:33 +0000

There was jubilation at Blissford Cross (and especially at PBC) on Saturday when a man with a van arrived to replace Blissford’s missing postbox. The campaign by residents, led by the High Sheriff and aided and abetted by the BV, had been successful at last. The ESW, stung by media criticism that he had failed to protect our only amenity, was on hand to record the whole proceedings, including the emplacement of a new purpose-built Postbox Post, the application of a fresh coat of lovely red paint, and the posting of an inaugural letter by Debbie. He commented “I hope this will put an end to the vicious slanders put about by the press – after all I’m paid to watch the sea, not hardware owned and operated by the GPO”.

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Village Reaction

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:16:46 +0000

The High Sheriff was reported as saying on the reinstallation of the postbox, “The Ponies will love that – they will rub up against it. Before long it will be bent like a banana.”

Squire ‘Enery meanwhile was taking a more cynical approach to the news (allegedly – Ed.), “It’s a NEW postbox! The old one was probably antique – I wonder what has happened to that … I wonder…”

Analysis: Postbox Two?

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:15:33 +0000

As two and four legged inhabitants of the Vale of Blissford get used to Postbox Mark 2, ‘The BV’ takes the facts into order, arranges the hypotheses, ruminates and cogitates the arguments for and against, then … produces a worthless piece of column filler.

Buttock Prints Lost

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:15:05 +0000

Having dined at Meddlars on Sunday night, The Editor, whilst ambling home, and walking past the new post box on its pole, now remarks it to be very fetching but [was more interested in this weeks] big news that the Men From the Council have come to beautify the Watersplash and have turfed over the demure and delicate buttock prints so bravely left in the wet cement by Marie-Anne and the Chicken Supremo as part of the Millennium celebrations.

Potter Buyers Head For Coffee

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:14:03 +0000

(from our Oxford correspondent)

Purchasing two copies (one for himself, and one for the EMS) shortly after 9am on 8 July, your roving reporter swiftly headed upstairs of Blackwell’s flagship Oxford store to the newly opened Good Bean coffee shop. There, once installed in a comfy leather sofa with a steaming cup of coffee he began … only lifting his eyes between chapters to see the then dozen, and increasingly rising numbers, of readers young and old alike, each doing the same. Your faithful reporter only rose from his seat once and that was two and a half hours later when he really did have to leave else braving the wrath of the Gestapo like traffic wardens that prowl the oxford streets. Your readers verdict. A very good book. At three inches thick go out and buy it today.

Canada Geese Fly Home

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:12:58 +0000

Our dear Ed and family gave a splendid teen bbq on the eve prior to departure. The Colonel and Chicken Supremo were lucky enough to be swept up in the party and champagne was consumed (on an empty stomach too) resulting in a tottery return to the Hen Haven. Emlyn the saintly coz is now in residence and will be battling to control hens, Hardy and Brandy-pup. She is, however pencilled in for an early visit to the market.

Implement Collective Expanded

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:11:21 +0000

Your own dear Chicken Supremo was able to add another useful article to the All Blissford Useful Tools and Implement Collective on Tuesday (yes – another market purchase) Nestling amongst the bric a brac of the “deadstock” (this is a technical auctioneers term to describe everything not connected with animals – nothing to do with carcasses at all) was an item that gladdened the heart of your Supremo and she was determined to get it. Lurking in the press of old farmers and cattle truck drivers, she stood her ground until the desired item came under the hammer. With extreme noncholance which belied her mounting excitement she managed the purchase without alerting the others present to the gem that was under their very noses.

Anyone wishing to borrow the Blissford MEGAPHONE can call at the Hen Haven. Its efficiency has already been proven – by simply announcing “GOOD AFTERNOON” to an assortment of neighbours they all rushed round to Izzys to find out what the noise was about – some had even risen from their sickbeds to investigate. In future, anyone wishing to make a general announcement will only have to do it once from Blissford Cross, for all the hard copy b.v. readers to be instantly au fait with the news.

Letters

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:10:25 +0000

Sir,

As regular readers are aware, Nicholas Cochand will be staying on in Canada in September for his first term at his new college. As is only natural, both Jude and Chas, are bound to miss his company when they first get back and will feel there is something “missing” at Brook Farm. I think, as a mark of the appreciation we all feel for them and our dear Editor’s great efforts, which keep us amused and in touch, we should do something for them. There are approximately seven market days before they return and an All Blissford Purchasing Posse will attend each one. The Posse can ensure Maximum Marketing and cover the simultaneous sales of Calves, Cattle, Sheep, Pigs, Poultry, Rabbits, Young Poultry, Ferrets etc. etc. If they have a few more furry and feathered friends to love and care for on their return I think we can ensure that they can be kept busy and occupied and saved from Morbidity and Moping. Your Posse Roster (roster not rooster) will be sent to you in the next couple of days. Funding will be covered by the Blissford Animal Supply Trust for the Allieving and Relief of Distress (B.A.S.T.A.R.D.).

Yours,

The Colonel

Half Century Reached

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:07:15 +0000

BVToday.com – online home of the Blissford Voice has today exceeded the 500 visitor mark since its launch in January 2000.

Announcement

Editor — Sat, 15 Jul 2000 11:05:57 +0000

The Blissford Millennium Golf spectacular has been postponed until September.