Blissford Voice Today » Issue 57

Local Feted!

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 14:04:31 +0000

There was a small gathering for a private vernissage at Boonoo Squared. Holly honoured local artiste and Mum with a fabulous buffet dinner. Guests were delighted to learn on arrival, that Kate, unusually shy and demure, had been awarded The Silver Medallion and is now entitled to place the proud monicker after her name, Botanical Artist. Enery raced back from his annual Bored Meeting to join in. Kate brings great honour to Blissford, already chock a block with clever bods, and joins John, M.B.E.; and John F.R.S. in the Blissford Pantheon with Dr. Ftfv. (well known local louse fighter). The full array of paintings was breathtaking. Book a view now!

Marie-Anne Relieved

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 14:03:49 +0000

As the owner of one of the delicate Millennium Buttock impressions at the Watersplash, Marie-Anne was delighted to learn that otiose reflected great credit.

Kite Flying at Mayfields

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 14:03:02 +0000

Keith and Leslie revealed that their builder was training a predatory bird while preparing the Millennium Dome and not walking his dog. Chicken owners are advised to sew large plastic buttons to the combs of any valuable poultry to deter bird strikes. Unfortunately they were unable to find a builder who was a great composer as well, as the High Sheriff is having difficulty with the Triumphal March section of the Blissford Oratorio.

Good Story

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 14:01:35 +0000

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re- entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark “Good luck Mr. Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good luck Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. In Tampa Bay FL while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbour’s bedroom windows. His neighbours were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. “Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!” True story.

Thought For The Week

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 14:00:39 +0000

It is generally thought by the wise that in order to keep mind and body in good check, you should “mow the grass barefoot and learn to breath through their feet.” cited from Dr Pundit Acharya (late of the Yoga Research Institute)

Christmas Treat

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 13:59:29 +0000

Why not prepare some Blackberry vodka as there are no sloes for sloe gin! Take one and a quarter pints of blackberries and wash them and sprinkle them with 8 oz. of sugar and 2 tablespoons of orange juice, then add one and a quarter pints of vodka and screw it up for ten weeks out of the light, shaking at odd intervals, then strain and enjoy!

Letter from America

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 13:58:05 +0000

Extensive research in the Piermont Public Library (a quaintly old fashioned affair where books still have tickets which are kept in readers’ pockets)revealed a copy of a book, “Oh what a Grand View”, in which secrets of the houses along the Hudson River, including The Acharyan Yoga Research Institute, are documented. The guru was called Basudeb Bhattacharya. He was reputedly a wonderful Hindu philosopher and psychiatrist who “held the rickedy old buildings together with a combination of spit and rubber bands and hope.” He was a plump merry fellow who convinced his patients that they should ” mow the grass barefoot and learn to breathe through their feet.” (’Enery, please note!) We were then able to search for a copy of the aforesaid “Brain Regeneration” on Bibliofind and had a copy dispatched to us as a matter of priority! You will all no doubt be interested to learn that it is the opinion of Pundit Achayra that to be vertical produces great strain on the brain and that one should spend as much time as possible in a horizontal position and much of that time, asleep, but not dreaming!

Whilst John has been thinking great thoughts,the other members of the trans- Atlantic team have been visiting the Big Apple, sight seeing and shopping. You will no doubt be impressed to learn that we have purchased Xmas tree decorations from Saks of 5th Ave ( the cheapest items in the entire store, but nonetheless individually packed in embossed Saks tissue paper, a Saks box and a Saks carrier bag) These will be on view to the discerning in P.B.C. in due course. We have all been to the Opera to see “Carmen”, to Broadway to see “Phantom of the Opera” and to the Natural History Museum to see some excellent exhibitions. The Museum did prove a little hard to leave since all the exit signs simply led us back to where we started! We also went to the movies to see a new film by Wes Craven (he of horror fame, but this wasn’t) who turns out to be the brother-in-law of the guy whom John is working with, Wally by name.

We have also had several expeditions to the mountains where the fall foliage has been superb. For two weeks the sun shone from a cloudless blue sky. On Monday D and T sat in Central Park where people were sun bathing and ice-skating, but overnight the temperature has dropped 30 degrees! Heavy rain has also brought the leaves tumbling. However we have persuaded the local birds(feathered sort ) to visit our feeder and today were rewarded with a cardinal.

We had hoped to bring back a string of lights for the exterior of P.B.C. inspired by the illuminated pumpkins, ghosts, spiders and dead hands so prominately and tastefully displayed outside every house last weekend. However the technology of conversion defeated even the Eminent Sea-Watcher and we abandoned the attempt. However, it has reminded us that it was our intention to suggest a competition this year for the “best” decorated house exterior for the coming festive season. Thomas returns to P.B.C. tomorrow while D and J continue to explore and experience the delights of life across the pond. Enjoy! (latest current parting salutation)

Blissford City Council: Planning Applications received

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 13:56:24 +0000

Thyme Cottage Developments PLC. Pool complex. Sauna. Covered tennis court.

Twelve additional garages. Barn. Enlarge to two lanes Thyme Highway ‘betwixt Thyme Cottage & Blissford Road’ Yewhurst. Greenhouse, retrospective. replace existing. Mayfield House. Removal of East wall and heating.Licence for gravel extraction.

Brook Farm. Enlargement of existing duck pond.

Granted. Thyme Cottage, Installation of dishwasher. (retrospective) Hill View Farm. Change location of sign to ‘Hill View Farm’

Refused. Change of location of ‘Hill View Farm’

Blissford City Council wish it to be known that a vacancy exists for sheep warden on the retirement of Nelson (Enforced)

Link Road Nears Completion

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 13:55:23 +0000

There is barely contained excitement at in High Blissford as the long awaited link road is nearly finished. Several tons of gravel have now been delivered and laid, with the indispensable help of the “John Deere Europro” (a ride on tractor/mower not a pro Europe campaigner!) We’re now waiting for a dry day so that we can hire the “Wacker” (a compacting machine not some deviant Tory MP!) to compete the job. I am afraid that, due to inclement weather the long promised opening ceremony may have to be delayed until the spring. My only disappointment is that we probably won’t get the longest running project in Blissford award as I feel that honour is now bound to go to the Thyme Cottage cattle grid.

Button & Megan spotted in Early Morning Sortie

Editor — Sat, 06 Nov 1999 13:53:27 +0000

Bonnie & Buffy sat barkless at the window as a streak of white followed by a larger black one flashed across the hillside. They were keen to follow. It was Button hell bent on pursuit of something, with a slightly less eager Megan in tow. I’m sure that knowing of our great interest in all things to do with Frogham Fayre, including terrier racing, Button was out to demonstrate something. She was determined to exhibit her speed when presented with live bait! (see BV number 52).

Mad A