Blissford Voice Today » Issue 59

Emergency Dinner Held!

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:20:40 +0000

Due to confusion in the editors diary, an emergency OFarwell to the Colonel 3rd Annual B.V. dinner had to be held at the Foresters on Thursday night. Our apologies to regular readers who were not contacted in time. There was the first public reading of the Blissford Chronicles by the Author, followed by awards. Marie-Anne scooped finest Milenium Bottom print, and Maddy & Dave delightedly accepted Most Improved Septic Tank. Tim & Eloise modestly accepted for Stylish Fantastical Feats on a Bicycle and revealed some tips on double bagging it). Henry was delighted with the Sheep Wrestling title and Sarah was composed over the Young Chicken Farmer of the Year. Leslie arrived in time to accept the award for most Eccentric Builders while Claire and Ian beemed when singled out for Most Charm in the Face of Cockerle Encirclement. Kates was a certificate for Cockerle Gifting and Botanical Artistry. while Holly, about to depart for Oz, was declared Adventurer of the Year. The Colonel was touched for his mention with regard to Walls and Digs and Jude ecstatic with the Mixed Husbandry Award. Hughs contributions to Marathon Running & techniques were also recognised. A bemused member of the public enjoyed the spectacle.

Eminent Sea Watcher & Bride return

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:19:42 +0000

The lights were on again at Post Box Cottage as Blissfords newest foreigh correspondants hung up their passports.

The Blissford Baby has a Tooth!

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:18:22 +0000

The Chicken Supremo was called urgently to Mudmer this afternoon (Monday) by garden suburbs in a real old paddy, fearing that Fluff the chicken would be a short term resident of the Blissford home for unwanted livestock. Poppy had been unable to resist Fluff’s feathered charms for a moment longer and was apparently attempting to eat him alive. The Chicken Supremo appropriately ‘gave it some blue’ and roared up to BGS to find no greater drama than a few missing tail feathers (well, quite a lot) and a rather cold chicken. Poppy was given a brief lecture about the desirability of leaving unwanted livestock well alone, or joining their ranks. The remainder of the afternoon was spent in admiring the splendid tooth. Chocwatch: 0 Cake and biscuit substitution: High Alcowatch (suggested by Col C.B.): dismissed as unworkable.

Announcement

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:16:48 +0000

Wondering where you are, or where you might have been this day last year or just need an alibi? Just check the archives. Shepline Words proudly annouce that the Blissford Voice Online is now bigger and improved. Remember all you have to do to access the BV online, go to www.shepline.co.uk and access BV Online. Technical Division

Note: Site no longer live.

High Sheriff suggests

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:15:56 +0000

High Sheriff suggests Squid as puppy naming frenzy goes into high gear at Shambles. Ann is on the alert as incidences of Sunday Lunch rage break out at the Foresters Arms.

Jeux Sans Frontieres At Blissford Garden Suburb

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:14:43 +0000

Another View

It was a busy Sunday at Mudmer Manor as village worthies gathered to take part in the inaugural sheep moving contest. Visitors from London had been summoned to witness the proceedings and wonder at the eccentricities of of the local country folk. As a preliminary Sarah was wished Happy Birthday, the Colonel and Kate (the hatchet) arriving with card and the amazingly original gift of a frizzle cockerel ( a survivor for the 32 recently dispatched). the gift was politely but firmly declined. OEnery arrived empty handed quickly improvised by pressure washing a clean Happy Birthday message into the grime on the patio.

The the fun and games began. Hugh was spotted doctoring his sheep Topsy by clipping the Ogo faster feet (should he have been disqualified?). the handicapper had decided that Hugh and Topsy should have a head start over O;Enery and the more obliging Toby. Thus the race began – Hugh, Penny and Marie-Anne set off making fair progress. However with Topsy frequently staging lie down strikes, reinforcements were called in and it looked like they would win but Henry, Kate and Toby overtook at the run into the home straight and crossing the Otroll bridge reached the big foiled first. Unfortunately as Topsy broke for freedom she took her lead rope with her.. The entire company then played Ochase the sheep around a five acre field for some time time until OEnery, inspired either by the heroics of the recent world cup or more probably impatient for drinks and nibbles promised, floored the astonished sheep with a tackle of which even the All Blacks would have been proud. This last sadly not captured on video of the race (copies from the Colonel for a modest fee). A rematch is scheduled for March 2000.

As Sarah went to fetch the promised refreshments, Kate plated her trump and announced that the Frizzel was pie bound if not accepted and Hugh immediately relented, a bonding ceremony took place and on her return, Sarah was presented with a fait accompli, Hugh already wistfully wondering if the Frizzel might be lonely by himself. Thus another Blissford dwelling leaves the ever diminishing Ochick free zone. (M.A. of YH).

(Tragically the fostering has not been a success. Ed)

Another Mudmer drama

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:13:42 +0000

Your own Chicken Supremo was summoned to Bracken Cottage yesterday by a distraught and worried Novice Chicken Afficionado (Sarah). Poppy puppy in a show of great exuberance had inadvertantly gripped the much loved Frizzlecock by the tail tufts and removed them with one good tug. Poppy puppy was in some disgrace and Sarah was sure, that now her beloved Frizzlecock looked more oven ready than ever ready, he would have to be dispatched to that great coop in the sky (or at least turned into cock au vin for the c.s. and family). I was, however, able to reassure her that, although he might die of hyperthermia (you try going backless in November) he was actually physically not injured. I do have to add he looks rather more Frazzlecrock than Frizzlecock at present. Donations of chook jackets (cashmere preferred but fleece acceptable) to Bracken Cottage a.s.a.p. please.

Red Lights

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:12:32 +0000

Had any visitors from Blissford been in Antwerp last week and wandered from a main shopping street near the station down a dark and gloomy alley they would have been surprised to see a familiar figure standing behind a plate glass window apparently trying to entice a young man to Â³Come insideÂ² (more than just surprised! Ed). Had they a Northern turn of speech they might have saifd something to the effect of “Hey oop! What;s our Jon Croft doing in that window. Is it a career change? has he come out or summat?” The answer would have been a firm ‘No!’ Jon was filming a commercial for a Belgian employment agency. Strange sense of humour these continentals.

Letter from America

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:11:08 +0000

This, my friends, is the last of the letters from your correspondents across The Pond , as we return to downtown Blissford tomorrow. It is winter in New York State . The last of the leaves have fallen and in the mountains to the north the ground has frozen and the water which drips over the rocks has turned into long icicles. The maples and the birches are silver against the blue sky and the wind from the north is icy cold.

Last weekend saw us visiting friends in New Bedford, a former whaling town with an interesting museum and many beautiful old wooden houses, which were formally owned by the whaling captains and the Quakers, some of whom became Presbyterian when they began to make a lot of money! We had dinner with some friends of our friends, in a bustling Portuguese restaurant. The friends were originally from Sicilly and looked just like one’s perceptions of the mafia! They were, though, very good company and amazingly rich! We visited Plymouth Rock, too. I had expected an outcrop on a storm-tossed bay, but it is merely a modest boulder on a beach which in places has been cemented together and nailed to the ground! It is a lovely piece of coastline, however. We moved on to north of Boston to visit my sister and her family, where we had an amazing shopping expedition. We were looking for a few Christmas goodies to bring back for our kids, but because of the need to transport our purchases, had, sadly, to resist the temptation to buy a motorised tie-rack, a coin sorter with power wrapper, electric nose-hair trimmers and an ionic shoe freshener! Instead we had to make do with a snowman Christmas tree skirt, a Rudolph oven glove with bells on and nutcracker soldiers to hang on the tree.

Last night saw us heading into the city for the last time, to the Metropolitan Opera House for Aida. The theatre is a wonderful building, all sweeping staircases, gold leaf ceilings, red carpets and murals by Chagal. Our seats were the cheapest at the very top of the building, but great none the less. It was a spectacular production complete with horses, some what more elaborately dressed that even the most carefully groomed, bridled and saddled animals in downtown Blissford. It was also, and most importantly, very beautifully sung, and the performers measured up to one’s conception of how opera singers should be. The tenor looked like Carruso, the mezzo was slightly larger, but Aida was positively enormous. And you thought Pavorotti was big…..!! But she had a wonderful voice.

Today it is time to begin packing for our return to the Forest. We are look ing forward to seeing everyone and taking part in village affairs again. We seem to have missed some exciting and enjoyable events. Speaking of which, I come to the wassailing. We have music for carols, arranged for anything from a tuba to a welsh harp at circa Grade 1 standard (for those who understand such things : easy, very, if you don’t). All you need is an instrument and the ability to more or less read basic music (or have the confidence to busk), and you can be a member of the Blissford Band !!!. We will, of course need to rehearse, venue Postbox Cottage (or anywhere else as necessary), where liquid refreshments will be liberally served, since playing is a thirsty business, and we usually find that the carols sound better, both to the players and indeed the audience, after a few jars.

Ultimately we plan to choose an evening to visit the homes of our friends and relations in downtown Blissford and share our Christmas cheer. ( It might be better not to tell the friends and relations when we are coming in case they discover they have urgent private affairs! ) In the past we have had a small collection for charity. We have found that most people are happy to contribute, if only so that we go away! So, don’t be bashful, give us a call and sign on today ! John and Debbie of PBC

(Welcome home! -Ed)

From Ed

Editor — Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:09:07 +0000

There will be no BV from these premises between December 17th and January 4th, so our Diarist asks that Readers keep notes so no details are lost of the everyday travails of Blissford folk facing the Y2K!