Blissford Voice Today » Issue 62

Doctor In Love

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:49:05 +0000

Blissfords most eligible single has been seen with Clive, fingers interlocked, moony-eyed and giggly. He denied being a state registered chiropodist from New Zealand and revealed that he was in fact from North Hampshire and involved in oil. He did not appear to be Scottish (or Texan). It must be serious as they had been together to see Big John and Maureen (Blissfords answer to Taylor Woodrow). The pair (Clive and FtFV) looked thin and were barely able to consume one doorstep sandwich between them without disentangling and were clearly anxious to be elsewhere, alone and … Senior Blissfordians may be concerned that he is after her Louse Shampoo recipe, but his late model Beemer looked well maintained. On another front, FtFVs thatch looks worn in places, and barely contained behind the blue plastic modesty panel. Shadow (aka Squid) is keeping Rilla busy.

Christmas Decorations/Illuminations

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:48:02 +0000

Ever eager to support the community that have made them so welcome since they arrived in Blissford the Hillsiders launched their illuminations on Wednesday. Unfortunately Claire Goose (Tina from BBC’s “Casualty” and John’s favourite pin-up ) was unexpectedly unavailable to perform the switching on ceremony so John had to do it himself! While admitting that his efforts might not be visible from space John said “Well every little helps and those going up Blissford Hill (sorry Steep) at night might get a slight thrill” (This man needs help!)

Facilities Database Proposed

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:47:13 +0000

After reading the report in last week’s B.V. – Re-fencing Drama – which itemised the whereabouts of every gazomper (sometimes referred to as bonker!) in the area – Hillsider John (whose two handed bonker got no mention!) wondered if a more formal register of useful facilities available for loan among other readers of the b.v. might alleviate DIY frustration caused by inadequate tools!! If the idea appeals John has volunteered to maintain the register at absolutely no cost to anyone. (Neil Hamilton eat your heart out!) (Now theres a good idea! Ed)

Appointments

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:45:25 +0000

As of 13 December, Thomas Shepherd, owner of Shepline and e-publisher of the Blissford Voice Online (soon to be relaunched as BVToday), will take up his new position as Electronic Content QA Assistant at Blackwell Science Ltd, in Oxford. His main duties will be to ensure that Synergy, the online journal service is fully operational.

FTFV may like to note that there are several fish and fish disease related journals available (dont hold your gills, shes finding it very difficult to concentrate! Ed). The Eminent Sea Watcher meanwhile is skeptical as to the Impact Factors of the Climate Change and Oceanography ones.

(all of us left here in the Vale send salutations as the more offspring sending money back the better! Ed)

More Cattle Trouble at Brook Farm

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:44:26 +0000

Emergency fencing has failed to keep the Dexters in their correct field.

The Colonel, Ransom Paid

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:37:59 +0000

Where is the Colonel?

News just in. Out of concern for the Colonels safety, reporting restrictions were in place during his incarceration at the secret hide away in the Australian outback.

Two Caucasian females were seen speeding away from the Colonels hidden retreat in the early (would have been early but one is a decidedly slow starter) hours of Monday morning. It is known the Holden Commadore being driven, was the price demanded for the return of the Colonels freedom & his peace of mind. A grease covered Colonel has been seen lurking in an odd manner at the local B.P. engineers workshop where it is understood he was serving a half day apprenticeship in the fitting of a new water pump and a harmonic balancer(?) to the Commadore, lessons were also received in fine engineering and clean final presentation!. Male backpackers have been cautioned against accepting free rides from two unaccompanied young ladies.

All our governments need to collect tax. Here in Aus they are in the process of introducing GST (VAT), Oh the joy and confusion for them. There is a stamp duty to pay already on most things, car transfer, 3%, all insurances

5%. On bank deposits, and withdrawals a debits and credits tax. We might be luckier than we know in the U.K.!

Leith Challenges Mortality Figures

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:36:38 +0000

Charlie rang from Frogham to say hed collected his back B.Vs but was chagrined to see wed chalked the dead calf as Brook Farm on the Darnley Memorial. Hed like a ruling from the High Sheriff. Do you chalk any stock lost on your land regardless of ownership? or just your own stock. Who gets to ring the bell? The stock owner or land-owner? These are important questions as the Chicken Supremo has stock all over the valley!

Vales Last Polo Star Gathered

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:35:25 +0000

Our retired polo playing gentleman will no longer grace the fields of Mudmer in the Blissford Garden suburb. Gauchos last chukka has left Sarah bereft.

Wassailers Worried

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:33:19 +0000

Music and symphony was the least of their worries at the last challenging rehearsal of the all Blissford Wassail Ensemble. It was the arrival of the strolling Hungarian Gypsy Lady with the violin and bells on her feet, still fresh from busking in downtown Fordingbridge during rush hour; that stirred the musicians to final frenzy. Debbie and the Eminent Sea Watcher have fled to Cambridge to rest.

Holiday Arrangements for the BV

Editor — Fri, 10 Dec 1999 09:31:48 +0000

The Disseminator will be moved to Post Box Cottage for the festive season, so those seeking their news or wishing to leave copy should take note. Caution should attend anyone tarrying at the Post Box corner as the High Sheriffs eccentric herding techniques sometimes leave bystanders either at risk or exhausted. Favourite cousin Emilyn Claide will be dog walking at Brook Farm and accepting invites on behalf of Jude and the Editor while they repair to their Canadian seat with the Boys.

Its been a long week in the New Forest where Â³Unringed pigs are ruining the ForestÂ² according to The Forest Journal. Ray Bennett, who used to be our local Agister or Royal Cowboy; says that near him some three miles of road side have been damaged. The pigs are put out for pannage. Putting rings through their noses stops them rooting for earthworms and destroying the grassy verge that ponies rely on for grazing. These matters will be discussed at the next Verderers Court! it ends rather importantly.