Blissford Voice Today » Issue 63

Writ Issued

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:26:40 +0000

Henbane, Nightshade & Co

Issuers of Writs to the Gentry

Receivers in Bankruptcy by Appointment etc

Offices in all the principal hamlets of the County.

E-mail: sunbeam@newbury.net

Web: www.newbury.net/sunbeam

14th December 1999

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

The Honourable Editor in Chief of the Most Venerable Blissford Echo at his Most Esteemed Residence Somewhere Vaguely South of Where Thy Humble Petitioner Lives Honourable, Faithful and Trusty Sir

In re: Ex parte The Blissford Echo

I have been retained by my client the Most Honourable Clive of New Zealand.

It has come to my client’s notice that your Esteemed Organ has taken more than a passing interest in his chiropractic experience: id est his professional status in that calling or otherwise. Further, my client is somewhat perturbed lest his gathering of field intelligence with an, allegedly, young female of an altogether different professional persuasion viz Ichthyolatry, on a newly discovered species of aquatic mammal should come to the notice of certain Senior and respected local residents of the parish. Accordingly he has instructed that his initial inclination to shower writs on Blissford Echo Tower be stayed pending the grant to thy humble petitioner of the sublime happiness of a subscription to the aforesaid Echo so that, inter alia, he may more closely monitor the various civil engineering projects currently in course of erection or subject to incipient Rural District Council action as the case may be within the present curtilage of The Blissford Conurbation.

I beg to remain et cetera

Colin

Colin van der Weyer FCA CA(R) GSM

For and on behalf of the aforementioned Most Honourable Clive of New Zealand

The Editor, Blissford Voice Replies

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:25:43 +0000

Mea Culpa! Excellent parry and thrust or confession and avoidance as we say in the legal trade! I hope we get some credit for deliberately throwing the hounds off the scent and protecting the innocent by the cunning guise of giving the possibly guiltless, a false name! A device used I see, by the above named plaintiff.

PS. van der Weyer isn’t very Scottish! How about clan der McWeyer?

Final Edition

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:24:15 +0000

This week sees the publication of the last BV this century and of Volume 1. With the publication of two special editions to span the festive season, readers our promised a new century, a new BV Volume 2, and a fantastic new look. Watch this space!

Festivities At Brook Farm

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:23:17 +0000

Sunday saw the start of the Christmas season, with what has now become an annual event, namely the Brook Farm Canadian egg nogg knees-up! Everyone gathered for delicious things to eat and drink, before the Cochand’s leave for foreign parts. This year the Blissford Vale Wassailers, a merry band of “musicians”, assembled to accompany the revellers in renditions of their favourite carols. The singing was superb and the slightly nervous band , whose first public performance this was, played with enthusiasm and panache. The wassailers are now busy practising “Aulde Lang Syne” for New Years Eve, which they hope to perform at the beacon on the top of the High Sheriff’s field at midnight, after the torch-light procession, which begins at 11.30pm.

Editor Embarks On New Venture

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:22:20 +0000

Our illustrious editor has announced his intention to begin a new millennium by taking up the trombone. Apparently it has been something he has been considering for a good while, but it was only upon hearing the BVW wassailing at his Christmas bash that he firmly took the decision. A spokesperson for the BVW commented on hearing the news, “He will make a fine addition to the band.”

The Colonel Latest

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:20:22 +0000

The Colonel has departed his blown hideaway, in the Western Slopes of the Blue Mountains for a short sojourn with friends at Samford, about 50ks. NW of Brisbane. Return to the blown hideaway is expected late Monday. Peace negotiations are believed to be in hand for the following week, and avenue is being arranged by a third party in the exclusive northern suburb of Whale Beach, on the 24-26th.December. Reporting restrictions mean that we can only describe the venue as being a luxurious three story private dwelling, over looking the beach with unrivalled Eastern views. The Colonel’s previous captors have so far not respond to the many entreaties to come to the negotiating table, it is believed that they want for nought at this time. Other parties have come forward with other generous offers, a negotiating table in Baulkham Hills (Western Suburbs) and another, more widely known to our readers, at Gosford. Other news. A Tropical Cyclone is currently hammering the Pilburra Region of North West Australia with recorded winds of 279 K.P.H. the highest ever recorded in this country. It’s expected that the strong weather front will effect the whole continent during the next few days.

New Years Eve

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:13:59 +0000

A pot-luck party has also been planned for N.Y.E! The venue is Watersplash Cottage ( thanks to Ian and Clare) from 9.00 pm. It would be much appreciated if everyone could bring a starter, main-course, a salad, a dessert or cheese, (but only one of these, not all of them)! Let Debbie know what you are bringing and she will coordinate things (phone 653898). Please bring a bottle and your own plates, glasses and cutlery. There will be dancing and silly games for those who like such things. At 11.30 pm. We shall join the beacon lighting, so wellies etc will be needed. Bottles of fizzy drinks will be popped afterwards on our return to Watersplash.

Etiquette in the Forest

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:12:39 +0000

One of our dearest friends has been scaring the local Fordingbridgeons in Abbotswell car park. Those beautiful new wooden barriers serve as excellent cross country material…and tally ho she was off racing with one across the fences … through the water and to an abrupt standstill as an unfortunately morning walker grabbed the dog crying ‘Christ! I thought it was the bl***dy cavalierly coming’…no just an early morning plod…….later the same week another (who will remain nameless) happily ambled through the bushes …and let them go on the unfortunate pair behind. Beware of eyeball baubles hanging from trees. Reminding me there is a local Griswald* house tree lights competition this year. The judges will shortly be named and those willing to compete require to adorn house or trees with twinkling lights and other goodies (for those needing ideas please see Postbox Cottage for one completed earlier – unfortunately the later is ineligible as it is far too tasteful). Christmas Greeting to all.

Yours E x

*Definitions available from Tim Raff and Mad A’s other quarter Senior Lecturer Institute of Health & Community Studies Bournemouth University

World Premiere

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:07:50 +0000

Blissfordians luxuriated in the sound of the Blissford Wassail group in their world premiere outing. Led by Maestro (looks like Herbert von Karajan) Shepherd FRS, ESW., they played a selection of Christmas carols at Brook Farm backed by the massed choir of locals including Alice the Blissford Baby (who waved her carol sheet in time). The High Sheriff was valiant on recorder, and Thomas Shepherd could not have been missed with his engaging head tendrils waving. Donald Leith was on sax along with Claire A., Nico and Jossie on trumpet (led by the Maestro), Mad A, William Leith and Jude on clarinet ably led by first clarinet, Debbie. Kate brought a lovely selection of percussion shakers (irritating the teens who kept on seizing them as possible fresh sources of food). Hardy was at the centre of the music scene. Squire Henry amazed some by cooking and preparing cocktail sausages. Out of Valers Hugh, Nancy, Juliet, Toby and Sally were suitably impressed and loved the music. Big John Newton, MBE was able to regale many with his details of the badger escape built into the Thyme Tomb Entrance. Well done to John and Debbie for all their hard work and organisation. It was a memorable Christmas joy!

Games Guaranteed

Editor — Sat, 18 Dec 1999 09:05:19 +0000

Any doubters out there who think that they can escape games at the New Year festivities down on the Watersplash, up on the hill and around the village are sadly mistaken. Stringent measures will ensure compliance. You have been warned! Games promised include such gems as ‘How Many?’, the perennial ‘Scissors’, the ‘Train Game’ (but which one), ‘It’s a Cat’, ‘Pretzels’, ‘Band Leader’, the appropriately entitled ‘Good Neighbours’, the intriguingly ‘Bruised Fruit’, ‘Blindfold Stations’, ‘Going to the Party’ and the old favourite, ‘Animal Kingdom’. The Games Maestro is fully trained in all of these.