Watch for special guest appearances!

After some preparations (filling Kate’s horse box with hay) the three strong herd were led out into the great historic Drove way to Blissford Cross. “Steaks alive!” shouted the Chicken Supremo as she admired the herd passing Yewhurst.

At the Cross a fine team of wranglers including the High Sheriff and most of the Adshead Clan were able to deflect the rambunctious steers down Jubilee Lane (aka Cow Sh*t Lane) to their holding pen at Blissford Dairy. They wanted to trot on down to Long Acre but adroit management redirected. They will camp amongst the excellent display of rusty agricultural machinery until they are ready to move out and free range on the Forest.

The Agister came Friday at 10:00 for ear tagging. Mis Izzy is all but commoning………..

Revenge of the Silk Cut – Shock Horror Revelations

The shameful despoiling cur must be a reader because within two hours of the B.V. Disseminator being put out last week, and comment made about Turkish Delight, there were two fresh packets opposite Yewhurst.

Two! in Forest Pride Week! Bob Dow must be apopoleptic! Wednesday revealed a third! Friday there were four outside the High Herbalists and another between Post Box and Moorcroft. The High Herbalist does not even smoke! There must be a conspiracy or at least a p** take as no one could smoke that many packets in a week.

We may have to consider snippers if the Dark Litterbug is not already in intensive care.

Be warned, the roar of the old white official car may be gone forever (or at least relegated to other duties like chicken cooping). Don’t wait for the distinctive high revving growl ( in the past sure evidence the High Sheriff was reversing towards you or possibly just herding) before checking your seat belts, tax disc and speed.

Will there be a special car park for village 4WD Landies and Jap-crap in your field – you could organise a test for good 4WDs by selecting a difficult piece of terrain to park in or on – that way if the 4WD is worth its’ salt it should reach the designated parking area – if not, it won’t get there, and should be panned in the BV….?

Charlie

Dear Charlie,

Yes! For those who live just beyond walking distances, a suitably obscure and mountainous corner of the South Field (bordering Yewhurst) will be set aside. Ed

It seems that strange dark forces are abroad in Blissford – not only is the Great Bunny of Bliddissford wreaking havoc with local transport, but even the latest issue of the BV circulated on the 5th of April 2003 is dated 5/3/03…

ftfv

It is proposed that an undated and un-numbered edition be prepared in tandem for the sensitive and afflicted for whom this causes dysfunction.

Speaking of which do both these exalted persons in the Vale hierarchy still exist?

There has been parlous little news from Hungerford and absolutely no sign of activity on the official Website, relied on by millions of readers across the web since the fall of Bagdad.

There has in fact been an official query from Dave at Treetops about recent news on the Website (once the finest available) and chagrin from Jon who attempted to email it and was told it did not exist as an address.

The Great Cockerle will have your head off while it clucks and scratches. People who have seen it close up and swaggering about have described the stole of fox furs about its neck, a profusion of snouts and teeth at one end and lots of paws and nails at the other. Experienced locals keep a clove of garlic in their fundament as it is said to be unconscionably randy as well.

This would also explain what is describes by Outer Valers and visitors as “the Blissford Walk”, though strictly speaking the only sitings have been in Godshill and at the Watersplash/Parish borders. Whatever! Don’t let it get behind you without being prepared!

Though stories of its origin vary, there is some agreement that it is a result of the quaint locale custom of “cockerle gifting’ and the unfortunate confluence of a tube of Godxilla’s Nettle cream(r) ( a powerful local panacea formulated by the High Herbalist) being left carelessly out in the run.

Lord Darnley may well have been a minor manifestation (of the Great Cockerle) though people who saw Lord Darnley remember him as rather “mincing’ , rather than menacing.

To the amusement of long time locals, the Great Cockerle is often mistaken for a Chinook helicopter when of an eve he glides over the Vale beating his wings, looking for foxes, small dogs and rattling the crockery. If in doubt, check your garlic and go for cover. Only when it is quiet ring Sqdn. Leader Blake on the usual number so all bases are covered.

Some say the Great Cockerle of the Vale is responsible for the dearth of Rheas locally, but this has been dismissed as utter fantasy by the Chicken Supremo. All sittings should be reported!

next week: The Weird Salmon Tickler of Steep Hill